I have spent years, my entire life really, trying to do the right thing.
That should have quote marks round it. The 'right' thing.
Because I saw everyone else doing the right thing and being happy. Wearing the right clothes, going on holidays, earning money. I thought that if I did those things too I would be happy.
Here we go again. Monday morning.
Have you done it already? Bargained with yourself to make it through the day, found a treat to bribe yourself.
If I can make it through today I'll get the nice dinner on the way home, I'll book the holiday, I'll open that bottle of wine.
Anything to abate the slow gnaw of dread in your stomach, the feeling of nausea rising as a result of the exhaustion you feel, the worry of what you'll encounter today, what shit you'll have to deal with.
Last night I went live in the Serenity Searchers Private Members Club to answer questions about the Burnout Mastermind Workshop series and about burnout more generally.
I got a little sidetracked part way through addressing an issue that has been coming up repeatedly over the past couple of weeks; the concept that you don't think that you are important/worth spending time and money on/ have no influence.
So what do you have in common with a race car?
Not a lot you might think. Except...
This car is drifting. Drifting is a manoeuvre that involves kicking out the back end of the vehicle and keeping control whilst essentially travelling sideways, against the intended motion of the vehicle.
As I write this I am curled up in a blanket on the sofa with my dog Jasper at my feet. He is guarding me, he knows something has upset me but not what, so he guards me from what could have hurt me.
I have had an amazing week; done things that I hadn't expected to achieve, worked hard, got lots of 'things' done and had lots of breakthroughs myself, with my private clients and with women in my community more generally.
There is a side to achievement that no one tells you about at school.