Today was one of those 'look how far I've come' moments.
I've been feeling a little tested for a day or two now; the guy at my credit card company who gave me a ten minute talk on the benefits of a direct debit to pay my bill - when I already had a direct debit in place; the woman who is either being deliberately obtuse in response to my messages or is being grubby and grabby; receiving a really disappointing email about someone I once held in such great respect.
All of these rate out a 3-4 on the annoyance scale and not too long ago, 3-4 was about 5-6 more than I could handle being annoyed.
And then... the internet went down.
It's nearly 8pm, the internet has been out since midday.
I had a structured plan for my day, using my Gero timer and a breakdown and every single bit of it (bar eating and cleaning) required the internet.
Two parts of this story have me smiling to myself in a fit of 'look how far I have come' and now there is a third; you're reading this and I bet I bet I bet you're grinding your teeth in memory at the last time your internet went down/you had to call Sky about a loss of service/upgrading your broken mobile.
I know because I used to do it too.
My local community has a Facebook group and that Facebook group has been WILD all afternoon with news of the internet outage.
Honestly, you wouldn't believe that a few thousand miles away people in St Martin and the British Virgin Islands were losing their homes and lives to the strongest Atlantic hurricane on record.
But my god the internet is out!!!!!! Call the police!! What am I going to do with the kids, this is so frustrating, WHY is it not fixed????????
Ok so I'm being a tiny touch dramatic but honestly, you can practically feel the tension emanating out of the phone screen reading the messages from my neighbours.
Meanwhile, here I am, running an online business, entirely reliant on the internet for my livelihood...dancing around the kitchen with my dog.
I switched up my routine, deferred some tasks to tomorrow (not 100% required, I could have headed to either of my local café a 10 minute walk away or driven to my gym where I get free wifi.... but both felt like a bit of a fuss and I was willing to go with it) and have used my phone's hotspot to get online to write this blog, deliver course content etc.
Not the end of the world.
9 months ago it WAS the end of the world though.
I was still a lawyer and had secured a precious day working from home. I felt grotty, I had shit-tonnes of work to do, I got home from the office with the laptop and the files and....the internet was out. The company said it was just my house and they wokldsend an engineer; he would arrive in 5 days.
I threw a wobbly.
I used the 'I am a lawyer and will require compensation' line (yes I feel like a wanker repeating it)
I got shitty on the phone to the customer services guy and demanded to speak to the manager.
Finally, in frustration, I burst into tears.
I was so tired, and I had planned everything out and I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE OFFICE!!!!
I heard myself as I said it butI was so tired.
My poor, much put upon partner soothed my inner toddler and ran me a bath, and then he went out for a drive.
And came back with a full mobile internet hub, with ridiculously expensive contract that he had taken out simply to allow me to work from home using a mobile internet company the next day.
I know; he is wonderful and definitely deserves a medal for all my tantrums at the worst of my burnout.
Compare that precious story with what happened today and what do you see?
The way that you adapt to change isn't about your adaptability.
It's about your resilience.
Your ability to deal with confronting, difficult or downright frustrating situations and not only keep them in perspective, but keep a sense of humour about it.
It's about your mental flexibility or rigidity; women who are exhausted and struggling with burnout really struggle to see the other side of the coin, the alternatives to the fearful 'the world is against me' response and to be able to keep agile and adapt.
Most importantly of all, it's about how safe you feel. Does a lack of internet threaten my safety? No, of course not. But is it too much for me to handle when I'm exhausted and struggling and in desperate need of that break by working at home. Abso-fucking-lutely.
So if you find yourself welling up, getting angry or snapping someone's head off over a massive-yet-trivial matter ask yourself this; am I reacting to the situation at hand, or am I reacting out of fear and exhaustion?
Burnout Breakthrough is back and here for you.
If you're sick of feeling like your attention span, temper and energy are like a toddler in a tiara; precious and short, then this is for you (and if you know where I pulled that quote from then we are DEFINITELY soulmates who need to work together!).
You deserve to feel energised, enthusiastic, ready to handle set backs and dramas with ease and flow and a sense of damn humour - remember, like you used to before you got so fractious and stressed and worried?
You used to love your career and now you fear it's killing you; but all is not lost.
Spend the next 3 months with me on your team and we will get to the bottom of why your career has started hurting you, how you can take back control, stop feeling like you are lost and ready to throw in the towel.
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Ready to get started? Message me via facebook at www.facebook.com/serenitysearch or email me at hello@searchingforserenity.co.uk and tell me what is the biggest change that you want to see in the next 3 months. I'll tell you everything you need to know