Honestly, I’m so resistant to even writing this. I’ve been putting it off all day. Even as I’m writing it I’m stopping, kind of willing myself not to share this.
See, all day long, I’ve been receiving emails from people’s mailing lists and seeing facebook posts about how 2018 was so amazing, about what people are planning for 2019, about being the best you yet.
And, enlightened and mindful as I am, I want to smack ‘em all in the face.
Guess how my New Year started?
Sunshine and roses, waking up in silk sheets and smiling at the sunlight?
Nah… I fell down the stairs and sprained my foot.
Screamed my head off and probably woke the neighbours.
Tomorrow I’m making a 5 hour round trip to my hometown to go to a funeral.
Maybe I’m just in a grump, maybe I’m just a cynical bitch, but the whole new year new you thing? It’s just far too shiny and bright for me today.
Here’s the thing that all the online marketing, mumtrepreneur, femmetrepreneur, Instagram-inspiration pretty veneer doesn’t acknowledge.
We are real. Part of being real instead of a fembot is feeling the bad, the pain, the ugly, the struggle and did I mention the pain?
I don’t think life is about simply aspiring for a zen-like calm. In the early days of my business I sold the stress-is-bad spiel as well as the next person, but I don’t believe it’s true.
No, fuck that, I KNOW it isn’t true.
I’ve experienced more than your average pain in my life… and I am so grateful for it. Even when it feels like someone is actively cheesegratering my soul and pouring a salty lemon margarita mix in the wounds… it’s worth it.
Because it’s real, it’s true, and it creates more than any doll-like vapid calm.
Your stress isn’t your problem.
Your anxiety isn’t your problem.
Your feeling unworthy isn’t your problem.
It’s pushing those feelings away that is your problem.
On New Year’s eve one of my clients commented that she was feeling down, with the what ifs and shoulda-woulda-coulda’s rising.
It’s perfectly normal to feel that way at the beginning or end of something; but it’s the next step, the small intuitive leap, that most people don’t take.
The ‘ok, so if this isn’t working… what can I do to change it?’…
… and taking that actual leap.
Most of us are children at the deep end of the pool, looking down in to the blue shimmering water, toes curling over the stone edge, stomach clenched, shoulders tight.
But what would it mean to leap?
What would you need in order to surrender to something different, something new?
To let go of the rigidity and the worry and the emotional lock-up, and to try something different?
This is where the common Instagram-quote reasoning jumps in to let go of the pain and be a positive happy little bunny or blank slate niceness. The New Year New You ignore everything that came before and pretend to be a green juice drinking vegan goddess instead of the Quality Street quaffing caffeine junkie of two days ago.
Don’t be you – be someone else! Someone better! Someone nicer! Someone Leah definitely wants to smack in the face!
I don’t believe that New Year New You goes deep enough.
For me, for my clients, that something new is about embracing, even (god I hate this phrase) leaning in to what is going on.
Looking at it fully and squarely and seeing it and acknowledging it and learning from it… rather than pushing it away or ignoring it or pretending it isn’t happening.
See, we learn from the pain. We find out our boundaries, who we are, what we won’t negotiate over, what is truly important.
Lean away from those feelings if you like, drown them with a green juice and a celery stick… but they will still be there, underneath. Hiding. Waiting you to stop piling a new personality on top of them.
In order to be a better you you’ve got to deal with your shit. It’s what is hiding the gold within you.
So, this 2019, try embracing the ‘bad’ stuff, the stress and the overwhelm. Give yourself the opportunity to learn from what is right in front of you, instead of reaching for a whole new personality.
Embrace your grumpy, nerdy, uncomfortable self. You’ve worked so hard for it.
PS I have a much better method for creating long lasting change than simple New Year’s Resolutions.
Want to get deep to the heart of how to create goals that will drive you, long-lasting changes that are satisfying and more meaningful than ‘lose 7lb’ and never see it happen?
Our time, our energy and our lives are far too short to waste it with shoulda-woulda-coulda, meaningless crap – so let’s start creating changes that are going to feel great, shall we?
On Thursday evening I am running a live training, only for members of my monthly subscription service the Serenity Spirit Mastermind. In it I will be sharing how to create true, meaningful goals (‘goals with soul’ if you will), how to create natural motivation, and get out of the stuck in a rut energy.
This is not for you if you’re a natural Energiser-Bunny of energy, if you currently feel on top of the world or have already made a New Year’s Resolution involving some kind of extreme regimen that bears no relation to your normal life.
This is for the professional woman who wants to get unstuck, feel better without going to extremes, and who is prepared to put a little work in.
Sound like you? This is for members-only, but I am opening the doors for the first time in months for new members to give it a try.
Join our live training for just £15 and at the same time, get a one-month trial of the Serenity Spirit Mastermind to see what the fuss is about.
Benefits include weekly live trainings, access to a vault of dozens of hours of past trainings, on everything from time management to stress to appraisals to mindfulness and positive psychology.
You’ll also get 1:1 time with me and access to a forum filled with women just like you, who are taking daily action to create a more supportive, happy and energising life.
Click the link in the comment below to join us!