This week has kicked my ass, fully and thoroughly.
There’s been more emotion than is usual even for my slightly drama queen Leo state.
Positives and negatives.
A lot of love and a lot of loss.
And honestly? I feel battered and bruised, physically and emotionally.
I didn’t really acknowledge the brain-body connection five years ago, even though I was an expert in mental capacity and death and loss.
I hadn’t quite realised how much I soaked up other people’s emotions too; I thought it was simply my failing, working in an open plan office and being unable to handle the noise, shut out other people’s emotions.
I didn’t know then that what made me great at my job; empathy, an eerie ability to know what my clients wanted before they even said it, to wrangle even the most angry and upset client into an ally with a common goal, to manage other people’s emotional states, came with a personal cost.
Exhaustion, frustration, never being able to shut off the antenna that scanned for anger and upset and pain, the overwhelm that noise and vast bodies of bodies brings for someone who is attuned to the fine detail.
I thought it was just me, being a failure, never being good enough.
Today I know better. And battered and bruised as I feel, I have an immense toolkit to support me.
Managing my own emotions, an emotional literacy that was innate but now acknowledged. The strength to say no to what is unnecessary and to prioritise my needs; hell, to even know what my needs are! The confidence to speak up and ask for help. So much more besides this.
We’re not born with a handbook of how to cope with grief and loss and struggle and exhaustion; how to balance our needs with that of the world around us, how to bounce back.
We should be though. These skills are not innate, they are not there for all of us out of the box. But they can be learned. It’s my deepest wish to share them with you, to support and guide you through the trials and tribulations.
You’re not alone.
PS Did you think you were the only one stressed and struggling at work? I know you think everyone else has their sh*t together, but I can promise you, there are so many out there struggling alone.
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