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Hello lovely and welcome to day 7 of Searching for Serenity's 7-day video tutorial series, the Crash Course to Boosting your Confidence at Work.
Before we get into today's video I wanted to take a moment to thank you for joining me on this video journey.
I know that some of the things that you have gone through over the last week haven't been easy and I would invite you, if you have skipped over any of the videos or any of the exercises this week, to go back through them today to start pulling those strands and implementing every step of the way to really boost your confidence at work.
I wanted to bring to your attention that this isn't a one-time thing. I know that you know that confidence isn't something you simply achieve overnight or snap your fingers, but these are tools that, if you keep practising them or revisiting over time when you find yourself exhausted or struggling with your confidence, you will find these improve over time and you will have a point at which you look back, and wonder what you ever worried about.
Each step of our careers, each step of the way, we discover new challenges. This is something that you can continue to learn from and implement as you reach new levels. They say 'new levels new devils' and it's so true. Every new level, new promotion, new job, brings its own trials and tribulations.
Keep revisiting these tools, looking back and examining those people around you as well as your own internal progress.
Over the course of this week we have looked at identifying what confidence looks like for you and where you see it in other people. We have examined your own negative self talk because I can guarantee, if you are struggling with your confidence at work, you are talking negatively to yourself. Then from there we have pulled each part of your career together for an appraisal/review to consider where you are going and so that you can identify where you have progressed, developed, done well, where you should be proud of yourself.
It's all too easy when you're looking three steps ahead to feel that you haven't made any progress. It's only when you look back that you realise how far you have come and how much you have to celebrate and be grateful for already.
We looked at updating your CV not just with your job description or what you do at work but with what you do and what you bring to the table and add value for other people. We examined a repository, whether a journal or box (or a whole room if you want it to be) of your achievements; your good feedback, the times you have been given credit, the cards and gifts (with time they will come for most of us).
We have also looked at what I think of as your Christmas past and future; where you have come from, the challenges you have faced and where you are headed. The key part of this has been to identify that, when you dealt with challenges, how you dealt with them. It’s all too easy when you are lacking confidence to feel that you can't handle the challenges in front of you. By identifying what has happened, what you have dealt with and what path you are on you will identify the challenges that you faced and the strengths that you possess to achieve whatever you set your mind to. I am a firm believe that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to.
Finally, yesterday we looked at feedback; whether it's from your manager, from the people around you or whether it's by more surreptitious means; examining the work that you have done, where you have achieved and looking for that external evidence of your positive contribution.
Each day, although we have had an internal element such as looking at your negative self-talk, each day we are looking at external evidence because that is the key thing. If you're building your self-confidence, sometimes you don't feel it. You don't feel on top of things or like you have done a good job but, with that external evidence, it overrides a certain proportion of your own feelings. But that is what I want to talk to you about today.
This is about perspective, being able to truly examine the evidence in front of you and your way forward from here.
Every step of the way this week I have helped you to develop your own external, objective criteria and evidence for confidence.
Sometimes you're not going to feel it but today we will examine your reaction to these external factors. It is so easy to add your own little narrative.
Deflection, distracting and diminishing. Responding to a compliment by brushing it off, saying you could have done better, referencing someone else are all Triple-D responses.
I could give you a long exercise to look into this but the simplest is to be more conscious in your language. If someone gives you a compliment and your response is 'I could have done better' (diminishing) or 'you're so much better than I am' (deflecting) then, before you speak, stop, take a moment and accept the compliment by saying thank you. Not only do you find when you deflect, distract or diminish these comments that you don't take the compliment on board, you also put off the people giving the compliments. If I give you a genuine compliment about something I am impressed with and you brush it off, how do you think that makes me feel? Similarly, if someone pushes the compliment back to the giver then it sounds ungrateful or even defensive.
So consider carefully your own external evidence and why you would push these good things away from you? What does that achieve and is that who you want to be? This is a pause and breathe exercise; if someone gives you a compliment, pause for a heartbeat, take a breath and then accept the compliment.
Acknowledge what that person has said to you.
Finally in addendum; the biggest key to your confidence in or out of work, each day, the thing that will shake your confidence most, will lead you down the path of negative thinking, is your energy. If you find yourself deflecting or distracting, if you find your negative self-talk increasing, if you look at other people and feel jealous rather than admiring and considering what qualities of theirs you would take onboard yourself, for a moment check your energy levels.
This is something that every woman who comes to Searching for Serenity struggles with because we are all high energy, high achievers who really invest in our jobs; whether that means long hours, investing our energy and enthusiasm or whether it simply saps our energy when we are not getting much back (that's the path to burnout right there).
If you feel that you are negative, if you are struggling then consider your energy. If necessary you can always access my course, Eliminating Exhaustion, which deals with this in greater depth or you can reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org or via the Searching for Serenity Facebook group, which is private and full of other women ready to support you.
So, that's it! That's the end of this 7-day course. I do hope that you have found this useful and I would really encourage you to return to these videos every time you hit a new level or have a new challenge.
Just because this is the end of the course does not mean it is the end of our relationship. I would love to welcome you into the Searching for Serenity Facebook group if you aren't there already and I would love to see more interaction and posts from you there; let me know how you are getting on with these courses, with your career and what you need.
Remember: if you have a problem it is likely not unique and you can bet that there will be someone in the Facebook group who has or is going through a very similar experience. Please do keep checking into that group and reach out to me by email to let me know what further help and guidance you need or what you would like to work on 1:1 with me.
So thank you again for joining me. They are so few people who are prepared to step forward and say that they will not accept the status quo and that they want to do something about it. That group is around 1% of people and the other 99% just sit and complain instead. You stepped up; you have done something amazing and should be very proud of yourself.
I look forward to seeing you in the Searching for Serenity Facebook group.
Good luck and bye for now.