Shame shuts us down.
It stops us doing all of the things that could and would help us.
Reaching out to friends.
Telling our boss we’re struggling.
Taking care of ourselves first.
Taking a break, short or long.
Asking for help.
Because shame tells us that not only are we terrible, should have done it earlier etc etc, but it tells us that we’re bad. That it’s our fault, no-one else’s. That no-one wants to deal with our bullshit. That we’re selfish and immature and ridiculous for struggling like this.
It’s shame, piled on top of our insecurities, on top of a bedrock of fear.
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burnout was my addiction.
Overworking was my way to manage anxiety. It was my self-soother and my self-harmer.
My chronically over-developed fight or flight response dovetailed beautifully with a never-off, always thinking, always overworking mindset, and I channelled the adrenaline and cortisol constantly pumping through my body thanks to years of trauma, into swinging through the monkey bars, working 12 hour days as standard, one day or less off each week.
And much like any other chronic over-achiever and self-starter, I was rewarded for it.
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Make sure to read right through to the end for the accountability and twist in the tail, ok?
From the very earliest days of my business I have heard one phrase more than just about any other. It’s something you’ve said yourself, probably almost daily, for years now. Want to know what it is?
‘I just don’t have time!’
I’m going to call bullshit on this one. You do.
You know how I know that?
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Earlier this week I shared a post on Linkedin about primary stressors; I forgot to share the follow up resources in the comments and froze.
As the world seemed to slow down at the end of March, I decided to invest my time into upgrading the garden and growing all our own veg, just like my mum did. Then I got busy with work and it didn’t happen. This week I cheated and bought vegetable plants to be delivered.
I had planned to deliver the next workshop in the Grit and Resilience series this week, but then a few others things took longer than I had planned and I didn’t give myself enough to time to prepare, advertise and deliver.
I’ve been looking at redrafting the book I started last year but haven’t yet published, Burnout The User’s Guide, because boy do I know so much more than I did then, but the thought of pressing publish leaves me feeling sick with nerves, what if it’s not good enough.
Have you noticed the golden thread running through all these thoughts? The line that says ‘if it’s not perfect, you’re a failure’.
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Ever experienced the dreaded brain fog?
For those of you unfamiliar, it’s a state of exhaustion similar to being hungover or sleep deprived, but primarily related to your brain rather than your body. You may struggle with information processing, logic sorting, spatial awareness and more.
Here’s an example.
Ever heard of the word aphasia? It’s ok, most mental capacity lawyers don’t know it either 🤣
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