As I write this blog, I feel a little rubbed all over with sandpaper, salt and lemon juice. Just call me the human margarita.
Yesterday I shared a post on linkedin that I thought was fairly innocuous. Random man makes poorly executed overture, I have a conversation with him to try and get him to understand that sliding into someone’s DM’s with ‘nice pic’ isn’t an overture worthy of the name of Casanova and that it’s kind of insulting. I share the slightly insidious feeling outcome with a lesson around boundaries.
Damn. You would think I would learn by now, wouldn’t you?
So there I was, sitting on the dusty flagstone floor in my best black dress and suit jacket, one dog sitting on my lap, the other methodically removing all makeup from my face, and she walks in and says ‘and you must be Leah’
But let me take you back a moment.
Where did you learn to be professional?
Most of us who haven’t grown up in the world of lawyers and doctors and accountants start mimicking early in our careers. Even if your parents were the most professional professionals in the professional money, I’d stake next month’s mortgage payment on you having, deliberately or otherwise, copied them.
This isn’t necessarily one of those deeply inspirational blogs, but it’s written out of pure transparency.
I like to call myself a former burnout queen but the truth is, I’m further down that burnout scale than I would love right now. For the past year nearly I’ve been working 40-60 hour weeks again, never really switching off and that’s shown.
I’ve gotten ill, frequently.
Some of my old burnout symptoms are showing up (regular tension headaches/migraines, back pain, insomnia flare ups, low mood/depression).
Here’s what I know.
There's this kind of assumption that comes with being a professional, that our careers are more than jobs.
It's the first thing we say 'Hi, I'm [NAME] and I'm a [JOB TITLE]', like our job titles or industries somehow describe us.
I spent so long working my ass off to qualify as a lawyer and when it happened... there was no particular fanfare or sudden feeling of smug satisfaction. I walked out of the office a paralegal, I walked back in a solicitor. Nothing changed. Not even my salary (ahem!).
Have you had it yet?
That creeping feeling of 'is this it?'.
Honestly, I’m so resistant to even writing this. I’ve been putting it off all day. Even as I’m writing it I’m stopping, kind of willing myself not to share this.
See, all day long, I’ve been receiving emails from people’s mailing lists and seeing facebook posts about how 2018 was so amazing, about what people are planning for 2019, about being the best you yet.
And, enlightened and mindful as I am, I want to smack ‘em all in the face.
Guess how my New Year started?