This month has been tough for me and for business.
I joked about August being the month of tumbleweeds and empty purses but for me this year it's also been the month of big changes and life readjustments, trying to pull off big projects, followed by a full blown, clouds rolling in #depression and #grief blow up.
There, I gave it a label even though I'd resisted it. We don't talk about grief and depression openly and how are you supposed to help people when you're struggling yourself (oh hello my old friend #impostersyndrome).
Here's what I know. The work I do is as a result of years of struggle and even feeling as crappy as I do and have done the past couple of weeks, I am in a much better place with the knowledge I have about my own patterns, the tools that I have and the fact that I talk about it now.
I don't believe that anxiety or depression are weaknesses or that they devalue my knowledge, experience and expertise.
But I do know that they make me averse to leaving the house, spotty in communication and reduce my working speed by about half. Which is made worse when you're self-employed!
I know that this is situational, I know that I will bounce back. I would also feel like a fraud if I didn't talk about it.
Even as I write this I'm cringing, wondering just how many people will disconnect or decide they won't work with me as a result of this. I choose to believe that honesty and transparency make me a better mentor and trainer, because I've been in the trenches and, right now at least, I'm back there for a short spell.
I am not sharing this to be a martyr. It's simply where I am right now.
I love what I do. Sharing with this level of honesty does not come easy after years of trying to hide, fit in, pretend I was ok when I wasn't.
If you are going through a period of searching, feeling down or lost, struggling or even just feeling like 'is this it?' then please know you are not alone. Even with every tool I know, sometimes I get swept off my feet by circumstance and my own medical predisposition.
Don't make your mental health mean something about who you are, it just is, like a freckle or that weird toenail. It might not be something you love, but it is a part of you and you can do many things to help improve it and make it work for you.
If you've been thinking about working with me or would like to support the work I do, your help and support would be greatly appreciated, and I'll drop the link to my current offers below
PS Reading this back I also want to add - if you've subscribed to the belief that depression means you're automatically unable to function, then for the most part you're wrong. Sure, some of us end up sitting and crying and unable to pull on our pants. But there are so many people around you who are experiencing depression and still show up to work, still smile and still function, it's just more difficult and takes a lot more energy.
PPS You can access my courses and 1:1 work here: https://searchingforserenity.vipmembervault.com/teaser
Or if you love what I do and read my blogs regularly, feel free to send me a virtual gin to keep my work flowing http://bit.ly/Buyleahgin