Let's get right down to it because I have just about had enough of this.
Maybe I should have told you this before, maybe it's my fault. I should have been straight with you from the beginning.
When you and I met it was in a moment of vulnerability.
I extended my hand and explained that you didn't have to feel this tired, this run down, this shit about yourself all the time. That you didn't have to hide at the loos in work in tears because you felt like a failure.
moving forward you always have to leave something behind.
This is something that I've spend some considerable time thinking on over the past few weeks.
For those who hadn't heard already, I am now heading in to my final week working in my day job as a lawyer before I take time out to focus on Searching for Serenity, myself, and take some time to breathe for the first time in, well, ever.
I've resisted sharing this all week long, but I've been pretty furious with myself.
Whilst I sit there delivering workshops on resilience and people pleasing, unleashing the Happiness Habit Bootcamp I feel like I've been sitting on a big old secret.
Yesterday evening i was driving home from work when all of a sudden it made sense.
You know that moment? When all of a sudden you hear an audible click and something that previously puzzled you or didn't seem quite 'right' suddenly makes clear and absolute sense and you wonder how you ever misunderstood.
Algebra, a language perhaps. For me, food.
You can see why I burst out laughing whilst speeding up the motorway!
Here we go again. Monday morning.
Have you done it already? Bargained with yourself to make it through the day, found a treat to bribe yourself.
If I can make it through today I'll get the nice dinner on the way home, I'll book the holiday, I'll open that bottle of wine.
Anything to abate the slow gnaw of dread in your stomach, the feeling of nausea rising as a result of the exhaustion you feel, the worry of what you'll encounter today, what shit you'll have to deal with.
