As I write this I am curled up in a blanket on the sofa with my dog Jasper at my feet. He is guarding me, he knows something has upset me but not what, so he guards me from what could have hurt me.
I have had an amazing week; done things that I hadn't expected to achieve, worked hard, got lots of 'things' done and had lots of breakthroughs myself, with my private clients and with women in my community more generally.
There is a side to all achievement that no one tells you about at school.
To the successes, to pushing through to new levels.
It requires a release, an acceptable that this is your new normal, that you earn this much or weigh this much or achieve this much. Without that, you sabotage and push yourself back to your old, comfortable level.
Part of this is negative thought patterns; if you default to 'no one likes me anyway' 'I'm no good at what I'm doing and will get found out' 'it's just a matter of time before it all goes wrong' 'I don't deserve any of this' then success as much as stress will bring those feelings to the fore.
The amazing, wonderful news is that you can absolutely control this by releasing it.
You're awake. You are empathetic and have an understanding of your emotions. A huge part of the work that I do with my private clients is getting them more in touch with their emotions, their physical responses, acknowledging and understanding the ebb and flow of their lives and responding to it with as much love, support and guidance as they would a friend or loved one.
We rarely care for ourselves as much as we care for those around us, and that is a mistake.
You cannot care for others openly, fully and completely until you yourself are cared for.
So whether you're pushing through to a new level and suffering a blowback, whether you are under so much stress and pressure that all you want to do is get into your car and drive away from all your troubles, whether you're stuck and want more, it's time to release it.
A good friend reminded me of one of my favourite songs last night; it's from a musical and is about the truth of loss and learning to live without something that was needed and wanted and was the inspiration for today's blog.
The process of grief is very similar to the process of releasing that which holds you back and keeps you small. You learn to grow and eventually to live with your new normal and to even enjoy it.
The end of the song (trigger warning: this will make you cry if you listen to it!) goes like this:
You learn to count the quiet wins/ an hour with no unprompted tears/ and not to count the deadly days/ as they fade into years.
You learn to stand alone at last/ so brave and bold and strong and stout/ you learn to somehow like the dark/ and even love the doubt.
You learn to hold your life inside you/ and never let it out/ you learn to live and die/ and then to live.
You learn to live without
Just as grief slowly loses it's iron grip on our hearts, so can our fears, our doubts, our inability to stand up and stand proud for what we believe in.
You're ready to do this.
Go do it.
Take care of yourself
PS Want to know more about the new, revised, awesome Burnout Breakthrough and to get started on releasing your stress and doubt and fears to live a life free and full and amazingly yours? Find out more at www.searchingforserenity.co.uk/work-with-me
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